THE FOUNDATION
Reginald Denke II (The Fifth Laird of Glen Haggis) created his Foundation of Learning in 1782. The original plans for the house were based on Stratford Hall in Westmoreland County, Virginia, United States which was built by Col. Thomas Lee, Hon. (1690-1750).
Col. Thomas Lee, used bricks shipped over from England to build his house.
Reginald Denke II decided that he would build his Foundation from the bricks left over. He had them shipped to England and began to build his own replica of the grand dwelling.
After construction was started in the spring of 1782 it was found that there were not enough bricks to complete his grand project. Only the foundations of his Foundation could be laid and the foundations were completed on the 5th September 1782. Reginald consulted his Architect and it was decided that a large wooden shed would be constructed which would sit neatly on top of the brick foundations.
In 1881 the wooden structure had nearly rotted away, so the timber was treated with tar by Reginald Denke V.
By the turn of the Twentieth Century half the wood had rotted away. Reginald VI had his builder erect another smaller shed using the good wood that was left from the original structure. However, this would no longer sit on the walls, but would be placed on the ground inside the foundations. The foundation walls would protect the shed from side winds and driving rain.
The original foundations were exposed in 1928 after some nettles and some ivy were removed. This revealed a plaque that was attached to the wall in the late Nineteenth Century commemorating the date that the Foundation's foundations were completed (5th September 1782).
The plaque was removed using a toothbrush, as this is what my dentist suggested.
We needed to restore the plaque to it's original splendor, so contacted a professional cleaning man called Barry Scott. He tried quite a few products before he dropped on the right one for the job!
The foundations can still be seen at their original site at Detling Hill in Kent along with the 'Nothing Happened" plaque. However, the site is very difficult to find and many people still write to us saying that they cannot find it and that there is nothing there.
Currently, The Twelfth Laird of Glen Haggis, Reginald Denke VIII runs the Foundation from a similar old shed which he keeps in his garden.
In 2002 the Foundation became an Academy. For the first time students from all over the place could now study nothing and be rewarded for their efforts however feebly they may have tried. The start of April that year saw the launch of 'The Sickologist', the official journal of the Foundation.
The Staff of The Reginald Denke Foundation were invited onto Unifarcical Challenge. We took on some of the finest minds in the country....the reslults were obvious!
People began to take us a little more seriously after that!
THE ORIGINAL DEGREE IN NOTHING
At the core of the curriculum is the 'Nihilosophy Degree', the first of its kind in the world and becoming the fastest growing and most talked about subject available on the subject of nothing.
The Foundation upgraded to an Academy on 1st April 2002 during the New Labour Government and became 'The Reginald Denke Foundation and Academy of Learning'.
NIHILOSOPHY LESSONS AND LECTURES.......
Nothing is more exciting than our lessons and lectures, some of them last up to five hours with nothing to eat.
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EXPERIMENTAL RESEARCH (PHYSICS) DEPARTMENT
Report on the
THE ANOMALY OF THE ‘KICK’ IN THE SPORT OF SNOOKER
By Den Keger
The Reginald Denke Foundation and Academy of Learning
December 2009
PROBLEM – The‘Kick’ in snooker
The ‘Kick’ is one of the great phenomena of snooker. The kick is where either the cue ball or the object ball literally jumps in the air slightly after receiving contact from the cue or the cue ball respectively. The effect is nearly always negative for the striker, as the angle on either ball is disturbed and contact is rarely clean. Many attempts have been made to explain why kicks occur, the most frequent explanations being friction from the table surface and, more commonly, a bit of dust or chalk on either ball when there is contact.
REASON for Research
To find the cause and eliminate the effect of this anomaly would enhance the game of snooker. It would produce a ‘level playing field’ for the sport and its competitors. No longer would a game be subjected to ‘spurious misses’. In this day-and-age of supposed match fixing, it would deny the offender the excuse for an obvious miss’ and limit their chances of ‘throwing a match’.
RESEARCH Method
Using our Magmascope Gamma-Blast Absorption Apparatus in conjunction with an ultra high shutter-speed camera, we were able to witness and capture the precise moment that the Kick occured.
The Magmascope was a Swedish Gamma-Blast 12 modification. The transmitter and receiver were configured either side of the ‘collision sector’ 5.20 metres apart.
Using spectrographic, electromagnetic (full-spectrum) images, it was possible to reproduce the event in a recorded data-stream in both digital image form and film footage. The event produced a ‘temporal air distortion’ which was captured perfectly by the Magmescope receiver and by the camera using frame speeds of up to 10,000 fps (see Results page) The camera actually captured the event at 8100 frames per second (fps) at mega pixel resolution, directly through the lens funnel capability on the rear of the Magmascope. (see results page).
SNOOKER EQUIPMENT
The snooker equipment used in our experiment was a standard full-size match-play apparatus, similar to that used on televised UK tournaments. The table was sited in such a way that it was subjected to similar lighting, heating and atmospheric conditions that would be witnessed in a live event. The conditions also included a large group of assembled students of the Academy that mimicked the heat, sound and humidity-signature of a ‘live audience’.
There were a total of 6 semi-professional players who were each issued with standard ash cues which were chalked in the traditional way using standard blue pigmented match-play chalk.
The frames were planned to be played continuously within 4 shifts over a 48 hour period. The shifts were going to be 6 hours long and would be played with a morning/lunchtime session from 09:00 to 15:00hrs and an evening session from 17:00 to 23:00hrs.
The experiment would end when we had captured the first true ‘kick’ that registered 300 – 800+ µPa from the microphone device mounted 2 metres directly above the table.
RESULTS
The first ‘kick’ to register over 300µPa (actually 920µPa) occurred in the second shift at 18:36 hours on the Thursday 16th December, a fantastic day for all those who witnessed the great event.
CONCLUSIONS
Positively charged ions of free-phosphor-radiation radiating from overhead fluorescent lighting tubes strike the snooker table surface and produce a static charge with the baize. The slate bed is also 'charged' from radiation from spot-lights and friction from the subtle slide-movement of the baize over the slate surface. This is caused by thermal and atmospheric fluctuations (Read: 'Snooker Dynamics and Lighting Principles' by Den Keger) and also by the transit of the snooker balls across the cloth. Both these charges can co-exist in a state of harmonic flux. When this 'flux' is disturbed by a shock-wave which is at the same frequency of the ionic vibration at the baize/slate interface, then a sonic ripple occurs ~ what we now refer to as a 'Kick'.
However, because the flux is disturbed by a shock-wave at the same frequency of the ionic vibration, this actually produces a neutral-flux, e.g. 'nothing'.
We were so pleased that our results showed that 'nothing' caused the event, because after all we only study Nothing at our Academy!
The Reginald Denke Foundation have been at the forefront of snooker technology for many years. Our important research into the 'snooker kick' problem has led us to develop the worlds first Anti-Kick Chalk. The name of our chalk is Cuebik.
Our chalk does not actually stop the kick occurring, it has microscopic e.v.a. spheres that act as minute shock-absorbers within the matrix of the chalk.
We do not sell our chalk to anybody, we just use it ourselves!
Anti Kick Snooker Chalk by Cuebik
EMINENT SCHOLARS AND THEOLOGIANS
Here at the Foundation we have a proud history and have been privilaged to let many clever and eccentric people through our doors. In 1838 the one and only Reginald Denke III wrote an article in the 'Ten Penny Magazine' about the rare Haggis and its plogules.
NOTHING IS MORE RARE THAN SEEING THE HAGGIS IN IT'S NATURAL HABITAT
Just over ten years later the great Charles D. Arwin also studied here and it was here at the Foundation that he wrote and published his volume 'The Origin of Faeces' . This was to startle the world with amazing revelations and outrageous claims and theories regarding the rumours that humans may have eaten Haggis plogules (plogs) in the olden days.
Charles D. Arwin faced fierce criticism and became a focus for ridicule following his detailed study of the plogules (droppings) of this animal.
The volume has been read by many eminent scientists and scholars who all seem to be of the same opinion. The opinion they share is that most of the information detailed in Arwin’s ‘Origin of Faeces’ is completely unfathomable and very difficult to make any sense of or merge with any current or historical theories. “I am completely baffled!” said one prominent anthropologist. “A load of old Plogs!” said another.
For more information about the Haggis please click here.
WHAT IS THE SIZE OF THE POINTLESS TROPHY?
Is this a pointless question? not really. It is like asking how big is nothing.
The Pointless trophy is actually 120mm high x 55mm wide x 55mm deep.
How big is this? pretty pointless really when put alongside more prestigious glass awards like the Rogers Cup Trophy or the National Filmblood Award.
The Rogers Cup trophy is 350mm high, nearly 3 times the height of pointless.
Filmblood Trophy is 220mm high x 72mm wide 48mm deep (at its base). making it twice the height .
Does this mean that the Filmblood trophy is twice as pointless? ....Certainly not!.
nothing@nihilosophy.org